So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
