Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
