if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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