Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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