Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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