You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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