Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
