Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
