shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
