Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize