i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
