oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize