Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
