it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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