New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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