and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
