He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize