We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
