I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
