I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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