porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
