Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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