If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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