If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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