im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
