No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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