i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
