I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
