I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
