Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
