is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
