SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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