He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
