So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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