Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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