I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
