You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dicks are not precious.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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