tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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