I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
