So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
