I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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