Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
