I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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