On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
