You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
