sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
