she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
