i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
