I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
