Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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