I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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