i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize