i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
