Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
