This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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