Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
