i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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