fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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