Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
