i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
