Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I love having hate sex.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
