so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize