My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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