She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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